Transformers: Dark of the Moon

To some Michael Bay is the anti-Christ of modern film and the high doyen of making blockbusters that are all brawn and zero brain. Despite this, his films make millions and millions at the box office. Whilst critics steam with rage, the paying public stream in, in their millions. So who’s wrong? Nobody is. His films are dire, but if the audience is there for zero thought special effects films, and clearly it is, then who’s to mock them for having a good time? Anyway, that argument will run and run. What’s his latest, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, like? Basically, it’s the last Transformers film in slightly different wrapping and the only reason I recommend seeing it is to judge for yourself if this is just as abysmal as that film or, gulp, worse. I’m not sure myself, but what I do know is that as I’ve already wasted 150 minutes more of my life watching this rubbish I can’t be bothered to waste much more reviewing it. Suffice to say if you just read my review of the last film it pretty much covers this one. I’ll say one main point again though. When you’ve seen one robot battling another, you’ve seen them all. Also, and I forget to mention this from the last film, but one of the transformers in that film looked and sounded exactly look a human being. Therefore, why on earth do they all still disguise themselves as trucks et al? Baffling. In addition, it appears (apart from the cannon fodder) that all the main (human) protagonists are never really in any danger of losing their lives, despite the peril they find themselves in. This hardly makes for edge of the seat excitement, not helped by a final battle scene that never ends. In fact it’s so long it basically starts in the middle of the film and just goes on and on and on and on and even when you’ve managed to get through it you’re left with an ending as incomprehensible as it is stupid. Worst of all though is Rosie Huntington-Whiteley as Megan Fox’s replacement as the films token totty. Clearly cast for her looks (at least Bay provides one knowing laugh in regards to this with an opening tracking shot of her arse), it appears the huge budget didn’t even stretch to acting lessons as she is abysmal from start to finish. A chair from Ikea has more emotion. Couldn’t they have at least have got an actress to play the part? Then again, this is a perfect summation of what Bay is all about. As long as the effects are fine, screw the rest, and as the audiences keep coming in, why should he change?

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict

Utter Bay-locks. Rating: 2/10.