Grown Ups

Before Grown Ups, Dennis Dugan’s previous two films were Don’t Mess With The Zohan and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. With this latest effort he must surely be one of the front runners for an award for the worst three films ever directed in a row. Grown Ups is an appalling unfunny film and the only emotion you’ll get from it is anger at the money you’ve just spent watching this turgid overblown excuse of a film. I can’t even be bothered to describe the plot but when you have Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade and Rob Schneider in a film together it’s hardly going to be a laugh a minute is it? If you think that statement is rubbish you can count the total number of decent films they have been in combined on the fingers of one hand (or two hands if you’re being generous). The film is awash with unlikable characters and unfunny jokes, and a scene at the end is so patronising you literally want to claw the smug main protagonist’s faces off the cinema screen. The only reason it avoids zero marks is due to a few zingers at the start that you can use on your mates, and I can’t even remember any of them anymore.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
It’s so bad it makes Couple’s Retreat look like Citizen Kane. Now that’s bad. Rating: 1/10.

Piranha

If you’re a horror fan then you’re probably a fan of Alexandra Aja already. He’s not to everyone’s tastes but arguably his films have the combination that makes successful horror films tick, that of the balance between tension and gore. It’s interesting then that for Piranha Aja puts all tension to one side, employing only a few cheap jump scares and concentrating mainly on the splatter. Throw in some dodgy acting and plenty of T & A (or in this case plenty of T & A) and you have the makings of a classic B-Picture. Or do you? What makes a B-Picture is if the film-makers are knowingly in on the gag as they make the movie. I’m not sure Aja thought about it either way, but this does lack the knowing in-joke humour that makes something like Lake Placid a cult favourite (or indeed the quaint naffness of the original Piranha). Having said that Piranha is still entertaining if you’re a fan of outrageous gore as Aja delivers it in bucket loads. The set up is simple: Spring Break, Piranha’s attack. That’s all you need to know. Elisabeth Shue takes the lead role as the sheriff trying to convince everyone that carnage is imminent and does a decent job, but she appears to be playing it straight whilst others ham it up, particularly Christopher Lloyd in a cameo as a marine biologist. But, it’s the grue that people will come for and you won’t be disappointed on that front. Best not to eat anything beforehand unless you’re comfortable with people being eaten alive, severed limbs, crushed bodies and, literally, rivers of blood. Two deaths in particular are memorable. One involves Eli Roth (haters of the man will be loving that one) and another is the unfortunate after effect of a girl getting her hair caught in a speedboat motor. Definitely one for the rewind button on future DVD showings that one. Once the mayhem subsides and you’re left with an un-thrilling final scene of peril (and a set up for a sequel) you will have made your own mind up about whether this is good, bad or so bad it’s good. Whatever you think, (the annoying Jaws homage aside) you can’t deny it entertains the target audience.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
Gore-blimey! Fans of the claret will be royally entertained, though there isn’t much else cinematically that even nibbles the quality bone. Rating: 6/10.

The Girl Who Played With Fire

It wasn’t until after I had seen The Girl Who Played With Fire that I found out the film (along with Dragon Tattoo and Hornet’s Nest) was actually a shortened edit of six 90 minute episodes previously shown on Swedish television which covered the whole of the so-called Millennium trilogy. Whilst this didn’t appear to have a significant impact on the first film, it certainly has here. The main problem with Fire is that so much is crammed into the running time it’s impossible to keep up with everything. Some characters come and go with virtually no relevance to the plot (though I suspect this is the result of the snipping) and the overall storyline quickly becomes confused. Daniel Alfredson’s direction doesn’t help as the tone is uneven throughout the film (similar to the first film) and the ending feels like a below par horror, and a ridiculous one at that. If you haven’t seen the first film then don’t bother with this as there’s no set up for new comers. The one bright spark is Noomi Rapace’s performance which is so good it’s already impossible to see anyone else playing the part with such confidence. It’s a shame that this second film fails to grip like the first, which was a smart mixture of grit and intrigue. This is just dull. Perhaps if the whole Swedish TV Series is eventually released on DVD we’ll get the fuller picture. In the meantime though we await Hornet’s Nest. Which way will that one go?

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
Rapace is great, but this is a long way off the first film due to the confusing nature of the plot and some dull direction. Rating: 4/10.

Salt

In respect of her film career, and much like the Coen Brothers, Angelina Jolie seems to have a nice balance of mixing “one for them” (i.e. the studios), with “one for me”. The studio films, of course, being mainly mindless blockbusters. Her latest film, Salt, fits into the first category, and whilst it’s still a gone from the memory the second you leave the cinema special, whilst you’re watching it you’ll definitely be entertained. There are two main reasons for this, Jolie herself, and director Philip Noyce. In the film Jolie takes the role of Evelyn Salt, an employee of the CIA who goes on the run after a Russian spy spills the beans to the CIA that the Russian President will be murdered by an assassin named….Evelyn Salt. Not a bad pitch as it goes and it leads to a decent game of is she / isn’t she? Jolie is great in this, toning down the sexiness of similar roles and giving us a more rounded individual who can mix emotion and smarts amongst the mayhem. Along with Jolie there is decent support from Liev Schreiber as her boss at the CIA, Ted Winter (Has there ever been a more CIA name than that in cinema history?). Noyce is an old hand at this game and moves the story along at a breakneck pace, getting a bottom kicking performance from Jolie and utilising some cracking and what appears to be mainly CGI free stunts, particularly in a hair-raising motorbike / car / truck chase scene (Knight and Day hang your head in shame). Having said all that there are plot holes galore and Noyce doesn’t leave much room for any character development. Still, when silliness is this much fun, who cares?

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
Thrills, spills and Jolie in top form more than make up for the implausibility of the plot. Rating: 7/10.

The Last Airbender

M Night Shayamalan bashing has been a favourite past time for people for a while now and if it wasn’t for his worthy first few films he surely would be struggling to get anything green lit following on from such disasters as Lady In The Water and the truly dire The Happening. So now we have the bizarrely titled The Last Airbender, though, thanks to James Cameron, this is at least an improvement on Avatar: The Last Airbender. The film is based on the animated TV series of the same name and concerns a world that is divided into four nations (Water, Air, Earth and Fire). The fire nation is attempting to take over the other three nations, but is hindered by the appearance of an Avatar (someone who is a master at utilising all the above elements) who defends them from the fire nation’s assaults. If it all sounds very childish, well, it is. Maybe this is why it has had such negative reviews as whilst not many adults or older children will get much from this younger children should definitely enjoy the simple spectacle, especially as some of the more negative aspects of the film will go over their heads. The worst of the lot being the awful acting. I’ve always felt Shayamalan isn’t an actor’s director and this is bad even by his standards (not helped by the child playing the Avatar having zero acting experience before this film). This is a serious problem for the film, which even some decent special effects can’t cover up. Overall, this is still way below prime Shayamalan, without much evidence of a recovery soon, but at least one demographic will enjoy his latest outing.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
Some terrible acting, but a younger audience won’t notice such woodenness amongst some pretty nifty CGI. Rating: 5/10.

Scott Pilgrim vs The World

Every now and then you get the perfect marriage of director and material. Scott Pilgrim vs The World is such a situation with Edgar Wright taking Bryan Lee O’Malley’s graphic novels and exploding them onto screen with a colourful mixture of outstanding visuals and dry wit. It’s hardly surprising that Wright is so assured with the material when you consider his Spaced calling card, to which Scott Pilgrim bears more than a passing resemblance, though one that is slicker and more confident (helped by the additional millions of dollars, of course). In the film Scott Pilgrim (Michael Cera), a bass guitarist in a band, falls for Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Two problems with this though. One: he already has a girlfriend, Knives (Ellen Wong), Two: Ramona has seven evil exes who Pilgrim must defeat in order to win her hand. Of course, just watching one fight after another can become dull pretty quickly but the source material has a few tricks up its sleeve in order to spice things up a bit. However Wright does got a little over the top at times though with some of the editing and lighting of certain scenes, meaning the average person might find themselves straining their eyes whilst anyone with epilepsy will struggle to watch the screen at all. The exes themselves are a bit of a mixed bunch with Chris Evans over-hamming his to alarming effect whilst a near unrecognisable Brandon Routh provides a few laughs. In terms of the acting overall it’s actually Wong and Kieran Culkin (as Pilgrim’s roommate) that win the plaudits from their relatively minor roles. Winstead is off screen too much to make a real impact (with the exception of her hair) and Cera again produces a performance which continues the mystery as to why he keeps getting such plum roles. However, this is Wright’s film, and despite it at times being a little bit too cute for its own good and an ending that sadly doesn’t provide the knockout blow the audience deserves, he moves the film along at a furious pace with innovative visuals and many laugh out loud moments. Throw in the rocking soundtrack as well and you have a film that, whilst it may alienate the older demographic, is entertaining, wears its heart on its sleeve and feels like a breath of fresh air.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
A difficult to market film has meant a difficult relationship with the box office. A huge shame as Scott Pilgrim contains more originality than a million Expendables ever could. Rating: 8/10.

Coco Chanel & Igor Stravinsky

Though not a direct follow on from Coco Before Chanel, CoCo Chanel and Igor Stravinsky can be enjoyed as a companion piece to Audrey Tatou’s effort, but this also falls into the same trap of that film in the the fact that there’s plenty of style, but little substance. As the title suggests the film is about the relationship between Chanel and Stravinksy, but despite decent performances from Anna Mouglasis (who stalks around the film like a demure pussy cat) and Mads Mikkelsen, their relationship feels too cold and distant for the audience to engage with them emotionally. In addition, though the film is beautifully shot, there are far too many periods of silence as Mouglasis and Mikkelsen look longingly at each other. In fact, on leaving the cinema you may even be able to convince yourself that there wasn’t a single piece of dialogue from about the half-way point of the film. The main problem though is despite being two of the most famous people of the 20th century very little is shown of their respective “jobs” meaning the film could really be about any old couple just moping around lovey-dovey in a big house. Hardly thrilling stuff. There is a neat scene with the invention of Chanel No 5, but like the impressive looking opening credits, such smarts are in too short supply.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
Visually superb, but the main story fails to energise the characters relationship or their individual genius. Rating: 4/10.

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Jerry Bruckheimer can be an acquired taste and while he has produced a fair number of turkeys to go with the hits, it can’t be denied his back catalogue always attempts to entertain in some way. He also knows an opportunity when he sees one and after the silly but entertaining National Treasure films it’s no surprise he reunites director and star of said series to silly, but yes, entertaining effect. What with that title you’ll be unsurprised to hear the film is an expanded version of said scene in Fantasia. Things don’t start too well though with a prologue which is designed to give the background to the story, but is rushed through and somewhat confusing. Director Jon Turteltaub is clearly interested in moving things on as quick as possible and before long we are into the main crux of the film, that of Balthazar Blake (Nicolas Cage), a sorcerer in New York, and his battle with Maxim Horvath (Alfred Molina), whilst taking on Dave Stutler (Jay Baruchel) as his apprentice (natch). Cage and Baruchel are in good form and bounce off each other well, but it’s Molina who is the star, gleefully hamming it up and proving once again he is one of the most versatile actors around. The down side to that though is that sidekick Toby Kebbell is acted off the screen. Other downers are that the female roles are also underwritten as not much more than scream queens and that the ending of the film is a tad underwhelming. That said, this has the nice feel of an old fashioned Disney film. There are silly character names, evil bad guys (but, not that evil) and a good sprinkling of laughs. It’s a surprise then when you consider it’s flopped at the box office. There could be a few reasons for this, but I don’t think the actual title of the film exactly has people rushing down the local multiplex. Plus, at a very brief glance, the posters and trailer make it look like a Harry Potter knock off. A shame really, but I’d hope something this fun will find a second life on DVD.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
This is lightweight, but decent effects and good chemistry between Cage and Baruchel nicely compliment the thrills and spills. Rating: 7/10

Knight and Day

It’s been a while since we’ve had a film that has emerged from good old Development Hell and Knight and Day is solid proof that if some films are that painful to get onto the screen in the first place they’re probably best being strangled at birth. You can read elsewhere about the various stars and directors that have been attached to this vehicle in the past, but its Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz who won (ahem) through in the end with James Mangold picking up the directorial duties. I’d love to know if Mangold ever realised what a disaster this was going to be, but the fact he dabbled in the screenplay suggests he knew not all was right. Speaking of that, over its various guises the screenplay has had over ten people at least get their mitts on it (seven of them alone for this final version) and boy does it show. This has been a disaster at the box office, with the blame seemingly being placed on Cruise and Diaz. However, this is such a confused movie that I think that even Grant and Hepburn in their prime would have struggled to rescue this. In terms of plot, we have Cruise starring as a (rogue) secret agent who ends up with Diaz by his side as they fight to stay alive against the usual shadowy forces. Hmm, it needed seven people to come up with that? Anyway, despite a decent opening scene, it soon becomes apparent that this film is a series of action scenes and not much else. Nothing wrong with that in some cases of course, but usually it needs to be backed up in other areas. That doesn’t happen here. Cruise seems unsure whether to play it straight or not, Diaz (looking oddly unsexy) seems to have just graduated from the University of Over Acting, the tone is all confused (especially in some violent scenes) and the special effects are pretty ropey. Are there any plus points? If you got a free ticket you might not be so critical, but people who did pay have spoken out meaning that other lucky ones have now paid with their feet.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
A mildly entertaining start very quickly gives way to utter gubbins. The expression about something that you can’t polish is something the studio obviously has never heard of. Rating: 3/10.

The A-Team

The concept of the A-Team TV series was ludicrous enough to begin with so it’s hardly surprising that Joe Carnahan (putting on a Michael Bay mask it seems) takes the mayhem all the way up to 11 with this film version. Everything must be bigger, faster and louder. Better though? In some ways, yes. In a lot of other ways, no. Carnahan as director was certainly an eyebrow-raising choice to handle this picture and it’s hard to think this is the same guy behind the blistering Narc (though, I suppose Smokin’ Aces was a sign of carnage to come). Has Carnahan just taken the dollar with this one though? If you consider he was originally slated to direct M-I:III until leaving due to the old conflict of views (i.e. you assume Carnahan wanted a darker tone), you would assume a summer flick like this with virtually no real plot or characterisation wouldn’t be his cup of tea at all. In terms of the casting you are probably aware of who has taken the four main roles. Not much thinking has gone into who plays who, but in effect it doesn’t really matter, as the main problem with the film is that it has little feel of the A-Team to it. Whilst the actors do a good job (unlike poor Jessica Biel hopelessly mis-cast as a cop), after 30 minutes you will have forgotten that they are actually mean to be the A-Team characters as they come across as just another gang of misfits fighting the baddies whilst trying not to fight amongst themselves. Indeed, the occasional efforts to inject any A-Team related mythology (BA’s fear of flying etc) stick out like a sore thumb. Carnahan at least does try to entertain by throwing together a whole load of action scenes. Some are great, but the majority are heavily reliant on special effects and any excitement quickly dissipates as things become more silly. Whilst The Losers, a film with a similar premise and a similar lack of a grasp of reality, did entertain, this just bores. The ending is also a huge let down though, with any smarts lost amongst an utterly ludicrous amount of further un-thrilling CGI. The tag-line for this film was “There is No Plan B”. Never a truer word spoken.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
Baring little real resemblance to the original TV show, this is by the numbers film making for its target audience, who should at least be entertained. Rating: 5/10

Splice

Though it wasn’t a spectacular burst onto the scene, Vincenzo Natali’s Cube was one of the smarter breakthrough hits of 1997 and the director looked to have a promising future. However, though he hasn’t rested on his laurels, Natali hasn’t had any real mainstream exposure since and so his latest film, Splice, is interesting in the fact that this is a higher profile release than his previous few films, including a fairly heavy hitter (Adrian Brody) as part of the cast. Unfortunately, Splice is an apt description of the film itself as we get a number of genres all trying to fit in together, whereas the old adage of less is more would have produced a more entertaining outcome. The story concerns Clive (Brody) and Elsa (Sarah Polley), two scientists who push the boundaries of their work, and their morals, by splicing together human and animal DNA. An eventual result of this is Dren (Delphine Chanéac), a hybrid creature who Clive and Elsa eventually decide to raise in the name of research. I can’t really say much else without giving too much away, but as this has been marketed partly as a horror film you won’t be surprised to hear that things with Dren do not turn out all that well. The issue of the marketing is a pertinent issue here as it really is difficult to describe what genre of film this is. Science Fiction, horror, thriller, comedy (including one spectacular scene of unintentional comedy) all rear their genetically modified heads at some point. It’s just too much of a mixture though and shifting the tone on a regular basis upsets the balance of the drama in the film. Going further into this point, taking the film as a drama is actually the best idea as Natali does a good job in portraying the relationship between all three characters and a decent twist towards the end does explain what had appeared to be some earlier cod philosophy. There are also some interesting questions raised here regarding such experimental use of DNA (especially in the film’s final shot) but they become lost during the films somewhat bizarre finale, which includes further unintentional guffaws and a very dickey rape scene.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
A promising start quickly dissolves into a film which, much like the character it is about, is unsure what its true indentity is. Rating: 5/10.