Battleship

Basically, this is a film that only Hollywood could make, both in respect of the money spent on all the special effects, and in its scope as a two hour advert for the US Navy. The first aspect is fairly impressive throughout and whilst the latter may have audiences from Alaska to Hawaii punching the air with their fists, it’ll have the rest of the world either cringing at its cheesiness or laughing with incredulity. Make no mistake, this isn’t a great film, but it does save itself by not professing to be anything more than what it is and the two hour plus running time doesn’t begin to drag until the very end. The set-up is simple: US Navy v Aliens. The execution a bit more tricky, as despite the special effects, the….wait for it……yep, you’ve guessed it…..script is pretty dire and the acting mainly all at sea (boom boom!). The cast is an eclectic mix if ever there was one, reflecting more on the fact that the budget was spent mainly on the F/X. Sorting out the thesps with what money was left over means we have an odd ensemble including Taylor Kitsch (sadly displaying none of the charm he bought to John Carter), Alexander Skarsgard (Melancholia II this ain’t), Rihanna (!) and Liam Neeson (who’s total time spent on screen must be less than two minutes). It’s relatively unknown Japanese actor Tadanobu Asano that actually takes the acting honours as he’s the only one that convinces that he could be the CO of a ship. The less said about Charlize Theron lookalike Brooklyn Decker’s role the better, which basically consists of her walking around in short shorts and low cut tops. I’m not sure of the connection between Decker’s rear end and Hasbro’s board game, but there is a smart scene towards the end of the film that pays homage to the source “material”. However, the feel and look of the film is more akin to one of Michael Bay’s Transformers disasters and whilst director Peter Berg does the necessary, this is still like all of his other films, i.e. see it once and once only. This isn’t without its moments though as some thought has gone into the aesthetics of both the Alien spaceships and the look of the Alien’s themselves and there are also some (intentional) laugh out loud moments including a nod to the more discerning members of the audience when one character questions the awful tub-thumping dialogue with the phrase “Seriously, who even speaks like that?”.

The OC Film Sting Final Verdict
If you’re from the US, aged 12 and male then this is the greatest movie ever made. Rating: 6/10.